I Want to Tell You

I want to tell you how I feel about you. I want to tell you about all the weekends I spent looking for you, looking at you. And about all the weekdays when I looked forward to those weekends. I want you to know how much I aspired to do well not just because I was seeking validation but mostly because I believed it was the only way you’d notice me. You made me want to become better. I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are. You’re smart and you’re kind and you’re this truly amazing person, and knowing I’ll never deserve you breaks my heart. I want to let you know that I’ve felt this way since day one. Although at that time, and for a few weeks more, I kept on denying what I felt. I want to say I miss you and those four months despite not having much to miss. I want to touch you, to hold you, to look into those eyes so bad that it feels like my chest is going to cave in. I want to let you know how much I want this feeling to go away, how hard I prayed and tried to let go. I want to tell you all this and I’m dying to hear what you’d say. I want to tell you how I feel about you, but I know I’m not going to.

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