I Will

I was made to believe that these are the steps I need to follow to be happy, to win at life: 1) finish school 2) get a high-paying job 3) marry the man of my dreams 4) have a perfect family and 5) live happily ever after. Many people believe this, too. And a handful have managed to do everything right. They earn their college diploma, get the most wanted position in a big company, settle down. But have they been truly happy? All my life, I thought that I should do the same. That ending up in another road means failure. That achieving those goals brings me closer to filling up my own cup. But as I grew older, as I heard many different stories, as I saw many different realities, as I opened my eyes, I began to have doubts. They say that before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. I was thinking that if I do exactly what many people try to do and achieve and I see those moments flashing before me, can I say that I have been happy? It felt like people were programmed to do things to achieve what the society defines as success- six-figure income, nice car, big house, “real” job. Your worth will be measured by how much money you have in the bank, by the properties you own, by your grades, by your weight, by your vital statistics. Our lives became nothing more than equations to which only one formula would lead to the correct answer. And because of this, the world has been deprived of many great writers, filmmakers, rock stars, bakers, gardeners, artists. I don’t want to end up doing what the rest of the world has been doing. I don’t want to live my life too carefully. I don’t want to be afraid to make mistakes. I want to do something extraordinary, something remarkable, something bold, something that will tell me that I have lived well and that I have fulfilled my purpose. I want to know what it means to be truly alive. Over this holiday break, I felt like I never want to go back to school again. It is not just the same ol’ lazy-college-student rant. I feel like I have lost so much interest in school, and it scares me. It scares me because I do not know where to go, what to do if I stop going to school. It would have been easier if we were rich, if money was never a problem. But for now, I cannot afford to go against the current, to take a road nobody has traveled before. Nonetheless, I am not letting this fire burn out. Once I see that my family’s needs are already taken care of, that I have made their lives more comfortable, I’ll do the big leap. I will find what it is I love doing, and I’ll do it for the rest of my life. I will figure out who I really want to be, who I am supposed to be, who I truly am. I cannot always be the person everybody expects me to be. I will jump off this cliff, and I’ll fly.

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