He is not my first love and perhaps would not be my last love or my true love or even among the loves I would encounter if ever I really would at some point. I am not in love with him. I know it. I know it because I am not in love with anybody. Not now. Not yet. But if you would ask if there’s a boy, he would be the first to enter my mind. I am not even sure about what regarding that boy. If there’s a boy who ruins my day or completes it? If there’s a boy to whom my mind goes when it wanders? I really don’t know. All I know is that if you ask me the vague question “is there a boy?”, I would immediately think of him.
Let me tell you about this boy. He is not your typical dream guy. He may not even be a dream guy at all. He’s not your tall, dark and handsome prince charming. He is not dark. And he most certainly isn’t tall. He’s not even the kind of handsome that would catch eyes. But I must say he looks pretty good. Or maybe that’s just how I see him. Or maybe he really is good-looking. Anyway, I could still remember when I first saw him. He was sitting in one corner alone with himself. And the moment I laid my eyes on him, I found it hard to look away. There’s something about him. I don’t know what it is. But there’s something.
He’s the kind of guy who would sit in one corner of a crowded room and never get noticed or perhaps would get the slightest amount of attention. He’s the kind of guy who does not seem to mind how he looks. He maybe doesn’t even comb after taking a bath. He doesn’t pick clothes really well. Whenever I get the chance to see him not in his school uniform, I always just see him wearing jeans and a not-so-flattering polo shirt. Maybe that’s his style. And it sucks. Or maybe he just doesn’t care what he would wear as long as he could wear something. And I love that about him. I love how he doesn’t care about what others see. I love that. Or maybe that’s just what I thought.
He’s the kind of guy who is not so much into being in pictures. He never uploaded any photo of himself. All his Facebook pictures were just tagged ones and most of them are stolen shots. Maybe he doesn’t want to get noticed. And I love that, too. I love the way he doesn’t seek for society’s approval of him to be comfortable with himself. Or maybe he just finds approval in something else. I don’t know.
He’s the kind of guy who is not so much into pretty girls. Or maybe that’s just what I thought. I have this beautiful friend who is famous online, in our college, and perhaps in the entire university. Most of the guys, if not really all of them, added her up on Facebook to keep track of her activities, to see her photos, to be connected to her. If I were a guy, I would have done the same. But he didn’t. Maybe because unlike the rest, he is not someone who gets easily attracted to what his eyes could see. Maybe he isn’t the kind of guy whose eyes always go searching for beautiful ladies. And I love that about him. Or maybe that’s just what I thought. Maybe he just isn’t active online but when pretty girls pass by, maybe he feels some kind of joy deep inside. I don’t know. But the girl he likes, or loves, she’s very pretty. If I were him, maybe I would have fallen for her as well. She’s lucky. Or maybe that’s just what I thought. Or maybe she really is. I don’t know.
I wish I had the chance to talk to him. Or maybe I had but I let it go. But maybe I really had to. Maybe things weren’t as simple as they appear to be. At the end of the day, he’s just another boy. Another unlucky soul I had a crush on. And another one who would soon be forgotten. I am sure that this feeling is temporary. I know that this would fade away. Soon, I hope. But for now, I think I would just have to live with it, let it injure my heart, and look forward to the day when it completely goes away. Or maybe I would be looking forward to the day when he would say hi. Or maybe I should just read more books and see more films. Or maybe I should just read more Thought Catalog articles. I don’t know.