Dogs usually have far shorter lives than their owners, and their few moments on earth they willingly offered to us who have kept them. Choosing to spend my time taking care of a pet is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, something I won’t ever regret, one thing I’m truly proud of. But since life isn’t a feel-good flick nor a fairytale, all the moments of joy seem to turn to unbearable pain when the time comes for them to leave. What’s even more painful is that our suffering doesn’t end after tears are shed. It’s just the beginning.
Before welcoming another soul into my life, less important as he may seem as compared to people, I already readied myself for this moment. I know he’s not meant to stay. But it’s just so hard to not get attached to him who made me feel like I’m so damn important, that I am deeply loved, that even just a glimpse of my face can brighten up his day. The way he wags his tail in excitement, how his eyes shine brightly, the sound of his bark- in this little fellow I’ve found a friend, a new member of the family. All the days of disappointments, loneliness, and despair, they were made better by his mere presence. I didn’t need someone to tell me that tomorrow holds better things, that it will be okay. All I needed was he who would listen, who would sit beside me, who would assure me not that everything will soon be fine but that he would be there.
No matter how much I’ve prepared myself for this moment, it still hurts when it came. I just can’t help but miss him with every fiber of my being. I miss the way he eats, the way he gets excited, the way he becomes afraid, the way he sleeps, the way he barks, the way he communicates with me in the absence of words. I just miss him so much. And it sucks so bad that I can’t do anything about it. It really does. It feels like a part of my heart has been emptied, like I’m waiting for something to fill it up but it will never come.
It may take me long before I start to feel better. But I know I will. It’s just that he already left a scar, a mark of sorrow that will keep haunting me for the rest of my days. Getting hurt is a part of living. And I’ll never regret giving him the power to hurt me. There’s something way greater than all the pain I am suffering from, and it is the friendship we had, the love we shared. I’m glad and grateful that he became a part of my life, a part of me.
Thank you for the memories, Wacko. You will be greatly missed. I love you to the moon and back.