Five Years on WordPress

I received a notification reminding me that today is my fifth year anniversary. When I did some checking both on Twitter and on this platform, I noticed some things. First, I am not sure when it is exactly that I started my personal blog. On Twitter, I’ve tweeted about my anniversary on both November 12th and 14th on two different years. And this 2017, I was notified today which is November 13th. Moreover, I only have two anniversary posts here on WordPress. One was when I celebrated my first anniversary, and, according to my post, I was ecstatic about it. The only remaining one (until today) caught me at a rather difficult time but I was thankful to have this despite everything (and I still am, of course). Well, today I’m in the middle of both. My life is far from perfect but I’m feeling hopeful. It’s both amazing and terrifying thinking about what an entire year holds. But here we are and there’s more to come. Cheers!

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M.D.C

Shared classes
Different years
You, wearing glasses
I, hiding fears

Somewhere I never
Was ever supposed to be
Life had again, however
Played its game with me

A sea of foreign faces
And it’s yours I saw
Cold as winter is
The ice began to thaw

Although already sure
Of another doomed end
Your question, innocent and pure
Was this lonely road’s bend

I was a figure all alone
In the row far back
Seated on an unsought throne
Subject for one lonely track

But that question asked
Brought a new cheer
Winter has passed
And spring is here

You made your way
To the farthest rank
Sat next to me that day
And gave me your thanks

I wanted to smile
To look straight to your eyes
But I got afraid while
I hurriedly said goodbye

Summer is leaving
It’s time to turn this sheet
Autumn will soon be coming
Will our hearts ever meet?

Hiatus

It has been almost four months since I last posted, and it could be long before I post something again. There’s still a lot that’s been going on in my life, of course. These roller coaster moments usually propel me to write, which apparently I can’t seem to do this past year. I just cannot find the words. And not being able to write anything makes me feel like I’m not completely myself lately. Truly, there are so many things I have yet to discover about who I am. But if there’s one thing I am sure of about me, it is that deep inside the core of my being is someone who writes. Let me just find me, then I’ll be back.

Bliss

I saw Jerrold Tarog’s Bliss about a couple of weeks ago and I loved it. Aside from its dauntlessness and its being tastefully made and well-acted, I can somehow identify with Jane.

My every waking moment…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

where I am 100000000000000000% Jane. LOL

#NoteToSelf

Living is rarely easy. It means suffering because of mistakes you didn’t make. It means accepting that there will always be times when you can do nothing about people and circumstances being unfair. It means enduring another blow when you’re still trying to get back up.

While it is true that the universe doesn’t owe anybody anything and that life is as beautiful and incredible as it is tragic and messy, there will always be days when nothing can make you the least bit happy. And I think that it’s okay. It’s okay to stop trying to find happiness once in a while. It’s okay to allow ourselves to wallow in our loneliness and pain. It’s okay to be sad and angry. It’s okay to not get over it and move on. It’s okay to feel and to be human.

And during these times when your ugly shows, when you’re a big mess, when you’re being difficult, I hope you have someone who still sees you for the amazing human being that you are. Someone who lets you be vulnerable and weak. Someone who doesn’t get uncomfortable with the stream of your tears and the whirlwind of your emotions. Someone who knows how to dance in your storm. Someone who understands the complexity of your character.

And while you’re waiting for this person to enter your life, try to be that someone to yourself. And be that someone to others, too.

Fourth

Amazingly, it has already been four years since I started seeking refuge in writing- the one of the very few things that allow me to step back and detach from life and at the same time delve deeper into it. It would have been utterly nice to celebrate this feat yet I am still at the very same position of sitting here bleeding and wanting nothing but for everything to be okay. Truly, there have been ups and downs, a roller coaster ride of emotions, tragedies, and victories. However, I cannot help feeling as if the ups are merely detours and being on the lowest point has always been the destination. Nonetheless, I still am fortunate for having something to run to where I can be free to be my own self regardless of the misery, frailty, and vulnerability woven into the fabric of my being. I still am fortunate to have this, and to have me. I may be all I have, but maybe I am all I need.

What Isn’t

I believe that in life, rarely is anything just black or white. Something cannot, and should not, be easily tagged as right or wrong, good or bad, is or isn’t. There is always a sea of gray whose depths can sometimes be difficult to fathom. There is always a story behind everything- a story waiting to be revealed, a story demanding to be read. And in the complexity of life, it is easier to recognize something for what it isn’t than for what it is. Like knowing you don’t love someone than being certain you do. Like realizing who aren’t your friends than recognizing who truly are.

So once you finally find what’s real, who you love and who loves you, hold on tight and don’t let go.